i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize