he wants to bone in the snuggie
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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