i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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