This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
