I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
