i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
third nipple confirmed
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
