OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
