I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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