Its about making memories worth repressing
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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