I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
