She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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