Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize