When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
either way he was missing a nipple.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
