My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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