smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
