You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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