I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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