HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
