Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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