Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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