i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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