Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
