I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Its about making memories worth repressing
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
