And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
