omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
