The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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