I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
