i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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