Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
