Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
