ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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