Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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