i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
