Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
