after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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