I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
