3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
That's when you crack a 10am beer
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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