I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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