forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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