There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
