This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
