so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
