Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
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