Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
