Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
