what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
