Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
