I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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