Your mouth is God's brothel.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
