on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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