I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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