break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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