Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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