If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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