your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Randomize
