Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
