Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
