I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
