rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
