Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
