He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
smell my finger.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
