you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
