do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
