Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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