I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
