So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
