just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
