You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
