you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
