There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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