i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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