Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sarcasm needs its own font
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
