In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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