i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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