I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
