Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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