he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm passing your future prison.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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