I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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