I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
