apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Randomize
