just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
