Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she smelled like a LAN party
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
