Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
