so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
