Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
